Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
