i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize