youre lurking in front of me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
