Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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