While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
