marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize