Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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