So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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