You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The uberlube is also flammable
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize