Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
