i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
