Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
