for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
