Four minutes until I can fart!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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