But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
