I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
