everyone is single if you try hard enough
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
