dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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