How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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