Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
