Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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