Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
