why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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