I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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