Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
