Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
