i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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