You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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