I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
