im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
