I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
