I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize