guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
