Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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