Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
