Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
