im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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