Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
