hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
