I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
