The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is Oprah even human
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
