yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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