Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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