It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
