Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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