return my video game
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
