so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
