are you so shy because you have an std?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
