he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I did not marry a roomba.
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