I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
