I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
