If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize