She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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