i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
