The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
