So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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