Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
