I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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