Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
