peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
