Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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