Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
