Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
